Yeah, I know, two posts in one day, but this one is an itch that I have to scratch.
I read this post on a great, inclusive Mormon relationship blog, and it got me thinking about my approach to flirting. Or should I say, lack of approach.
I really doubt I'm an effective flirter, or that I even flirt at all. I mean, I don't think I'm a complete stranger to it, but I'll go ahead and attribute my flirting failure to these factors:
- To me, it looks ridiculous. Girls laughing at jokes that aren't funny, guys and gals saying stupid stuff, etc. Maybe I just haven't seen it done right, but it looks childish and immature. I don't want to dumb myself down, which is what I'm pretty darn sure I have been noticing.
- There's no one with whom I really want to flirt. Now, I understand that perhaps it would still be good practice to flirt for the sake of flirting, but I just can't get myself to touch a guy's elbow (apparently sends good signals) if I'm not into him.
- And if by some good fortune, there is a guy that I like, I'm sure I act just plain weird and different than the normal me when I'm around him.
No wonder I'm still single.
4 comments:
Is it rude that this post made me *LOL* a couple of times? :D
How about an Incomplete instead of an F? :)
Flirting *is* pretty ridiculous when you observe it from the outside. I don't think that the dumbing down and weirdness is intentional. Brain cells just kind of evaporate when you're around a guy you *really* like.
I've had my moments of awkward weirdness where I've really liked the guy but had to try extra hard to be my normal self (and of course, that's when I'm the most awkward). I think I do that when I don't think that I have a chance at all. I think flirting really has to do with how we project ourselves, and we can only do that well if we really believe that we're all that.
I've been the most flirty when my confidence is high and I'm just on some mission (in which I believe I can succeed) to charm ALL men, whether I like them that way or not. All it takes is smiling and being genuinely interested in/amused by them. But I never touched their elbows and I made sure they stayed the heck away from mine!!!
p.s. Thanks for the link!
Don't worry about trying to practice being flirty or physical with guys you don't like. The most practice with flirting I ever got was being silly with my girl friends, and that's just because I was being silly and feeling confident/sexy/attractive. But I'm a natural flirt, and so being flirty just felt like having fun.
If flirting isn't in your nature, doing it is probably not your best approach. I agree with Fei on what flirting should be, and it's not necessarily being silly or touching someone's arm. It all boils down to being genuinely interested in what they have to say. If you're not, then you probably wouldn't want to marry the guy anyway. Essentially, instead of acting like a dork, you should put yourself out there/be interested in people (this is something you can practice even with guys you don't like) and let them see you, too, if they so choose. Someone who sees you for you and falls head over heels in love with you won't think, "Gosh, she's just too serious." He'll love that about you.
You've got it right when you say you need to be yourself. But don't stress out if you don't feel like you're enough of yourself.
You're amazing and I think you rock because of finishing school and enduring an internship and being genuinely entertaining in the way you express yourself. But also because you have a strong testimony in the gospel, and you're a great older sister. I love your hair texture (I'm sure it's a bear to deal with, but it's so lovely and thick), and I enjoyed our time in the same ward. Remember how awesome I, your other friends, and your family know you are, and let that instill confidence. Also, get someone to tell you you're pretty on a regular basis, even if it's just you in a mirror. If you feel pretty, you'll act it, and you'll look it, too.
All the best to you, and I hope my rant helped.
@Jess: Laugh away. Srsly.
@Fei: You are just too darn good at all of this.
@Laurel: I'm so pleased you commented. Thanks a million for your sweet words/advice.
Post a Comment