A Series of (Un)Fortunate Events

First of all, happy Halloween!

Second of all, I dressed up as a nerd for a tri-ward Halloween activity last night.

Third of all, I guess it wasn't much of a costume.

Fourth of all, I got hit on my two homeless men downtown today on my way to church. I could see them up ahead, so I locked my doors knowing that I'd be stopped at the red light right next to them. But I still had my window cracked. So, when I got to the light, one of the men said, "Hiiiii! Ooh, she's pretty."

I rolled up my window.

Same guy: "Ugh. She rolled up her window."

Me in my mind: "No duh."

and...

"Don't make eye contact, don't make eye contact, no matter how much you want to get a visual for a future police sketch."

Him: "Sorry, but you are beautiful."

Me in my mind: "There is sunshine in my soul today.... This light needs to freakin' turn green!"


Fifth of all, happy Halloween! Again!

A Day Without Makeup is a Good Day

I love not going out in public sometimes. This is what my Friday consisted of:

• Sleeping in 'til 7:45. I know that this time isn't really "sleeping in" worthy, but it is when your body is used to waking up sometime between 5:45 and 6:30 Monday through Friday.
• Played tennis.
• Graded. Yes, I still have grading to do since my students had stuff due on the last day of school before break.
• Carved a pumpkin.
• Took an almost three-hour nap. Glorious sleep.
• Chose my costume for Halloween. Leave a comment if you have suspenders and are willing to lend them to me. They'd complete my look.
• Computered. Yes, I just made computer a verb.
• Worked out for the first time in like three weeks. My body will probably scream at me tomorrow.
• And now, blogging.

And now, some pictures of my flippin' dead flip phone and my pretty new slidin' slide phone. It has a qwerty keyboard which is taking some adjusting to, but I sure like it!

Correspondence

Dear Right Eye,

Why have you twitched all day? I think it may be because I have worked 45-50 hour weeks for the last three months without pay. And I believe that the eye nerve gods are releasing nerve signals of joy and freedom now that I have a month break. Am I right?

Yours,
Ashley

___________________________________________________________________


Dear Ashley,

Dang. You're gooood.

Excitedly,
Your Right Eye

Vocabulary Word of the Day: Globalization

Have you ever stopped to realize what an impact the entire world has on you? If not, allow the person who wrote the following to make that realization for you. I got this in my student teaching seminar class today:

Question: What is the truest definition of globalization?

Answer: Princess Diana's death.

Question: How come?

Answer: An English princess, with an Egyptian boyfriend, crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car, with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk, on Scottish whiskey, followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles, treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines.

This is provided to you by an American, using Bill Gates' technology, and you're probably reading this on your computer, that uses Taiwanese chips, and a Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers, in a Singapore plant, transported by Indian lorry-drivers, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen, and trucked to you by Mexican illegals...

That, my friends, is globalization!

I'm not trying to make light of Princess Diana's death. But it kind of makes your head spin to consider how interconnected the world has become. Some people are nervous about globalization. And some people are just in denial. But it's impossible to escape it--the way the world seeps in. You can't fence the world out, and you can't fence yourself in. Technology knows no borders. As one of the first computer geeks stated, "Information wants to be free."

To fear globalization is to fear change, but like it or not, change is a contant in our lives.


Wasn't that the bomb diggity? I don't know who wrote that, but they should get a new German car or something for it.

Flip

Main news bulletin of the day would be getting my new cell phone. My old one was a flip phone and the flip part was hanging by a flippin' thread, causing the flippin' screen to freak out.

And then it was flippin' annoying cuz my old phone wasn't able to transfer all of my flippin' contacts to the new one. So now I'm in the process of using flippin' Facebook to retrieve numbers from everyone. Flippin' chore.

But I'm happy to report that my new phone isn't a flippin' flip phone. It's a slidin' slider. Slide, baby, sliiiide.


Pictures of the flippin' flip and slidin' slide to come soon.

Behold, The Power of Cheese

Today's blog post is sponsored by cheese...

I had lunch recess duty today (freezin' my tooshy off) and was watchin' those fourth and fifth grade foo's play with their jump ropes and bouncy balls when this girl with a boy's haircut, denim skirt, light pink leggin's, light pink shirt, and brown cowgirl boots comes running up to me and shouts, "Do you like cheese?!"

Total Steve Urkel moment. Steve loved cheese, right?

I was like, "Yeah."

Two minutes later, same girl runs up and says: "I like cheese." I had to just nod in approval.

Kids are so weird.

But apparently, cheese is serious business. To crazy cowgirl cheese girl, and to pandas:

Progressive Date

Last night I participated in a progressive group date with nine other people: five boys and five girls. My friend, Chelsea, organized the activities, and we all had a fun time. Or at least I did. It sure took me back to my Utah college days of Mormon dating silliness.

About to pudding-picture my way to victory!

We started at Chelsea's house where we were partnered up with our first date. My first date was Jesse. I already knew Jesse; we're splendid little pals. Jesse once accurately described me as "a serious person who laughs a lot." Anyway, each partnership had to do the following: Take a look at their date's face, and then draw it with their eyes closed in a minute and a half. I laughed so hard at my drawing of Jesse. It was modern art at its finest.

Second activity happened at Brian's house, and he also happened to be my second date. I've known Brian for a little while; he's a cool cat. For this activity, we played pictionary with chocolate pudding. Categories varied from scripture stories to random. We decided to play boys versus girls and we all know that the ladies rocked this game.

And for our third date, we attended another single ward's talent show. My date for this go-around was Skylar. I don't know Skylar too well, but I learned a little bit about him as we watched a few elders from that ward's elders quorum do something (not sure if you'd call it talent) on stage.

Breakthrough

I finally know why I'm not married:

The same reason why the United States is the United States and not England.



It's time to be diplomatic and align with the foreign nations, a.k.a. men.


P.S. I'm not trying to come across as dramatically as Ms. Clarkson. And I'm fully aware that many more factors play into my singledom that that of independence.

Mediocre Massage and Bieber Fever

I got my first professional massage ever today. And it was FREE. Granted, it was only like 12 minutes long, and in my amateur opinion, decent; not great, decent.


And if you've heard of Justin Bieber, watch this. (And if you haven't, who are you? I'm making you watch it.)

"Rewarding" Job and Dennis the Menace aka T

My job is rewarding 0.3 percent of the time. Straight from the mouth of one of my student's moms:

"My daughter is going to miss you when you're gone. The kids are attached to you. You're doing a good job."


And my four year old nephew is hilarious. I seriously need to remember what he says and jot it down. But of course he doesn't know it's funny because it's just who he is. Here's one thing he said today that was funny.

Dialogue with my mom:

Mom: T, you're just like Dennis the Menace [truer words have never been spoken].
T: You're a dentist?

Formulating Love

Zero love life

+

A little flirtatious squeeze of the arm by the opposite sex

=

The pitter and the patter of my forsaken and untouched heart

(You're the man, Gustavo. Way to please a woman momentarily.)

Spanish, Donkeys, and Sam

We're holding parent-teacher conferences this week. I knew ahead of time that I might be able to speak Spanish with one of my student's parents. Manuel*, his mom, and his three sisters ALL came into the classroom for the conference. I love me a big Mexican family. I asked the mom if she wanted me to speak in English or Spanish and she requested Spanish. I sure struggled through it, though. I turned to Manuel or his older sister for help many times, but they just stared at me. Gracias, kids. It turned out to be a Spanglish session and the mom is probably laughing about my broken Spanish right now, but it was a good experience. I really need to improve my espanol, though.

Did you know that more people are killed by donkeys than by airplane crashes? I heard that little factoid while slipping on my khakis this morning.

And I discovered some raw talent. His name is Sam Tsui. And here's just a sampling of what he can do. Check out more of his stuff on youtube.



*Manuel is an alias for the boy who made me look like an even bigger idiot in front of his mom.

Special Stake Conference Continued

Besides having two general authorities at my stake conference last weekend, I loved the conference for another reason: I got to see a million little Mormon families. Despite the crying babies and parents ushering their naughty kids out into the foyer, these families are a pretty precious sight. You see, I get so caught up in work and my single life, that I lose focus of the significance of family. Observing all of these families reminded me of how much I want to start my own little unit of goodness. I guess I kinda have to get married first. No biggie.

And in other news:

• My family went to BJ's tonight to celebrate my mom's birthday, which was yesterday. We stuffed our faces.
• One of my students said this today: "My brother's read the whole dictionary and encyclopedia."
• I have only eight more work days before my month break!

Special Stake Conference

Imagine this said in a beautiful male English accent: This weekend has been extraordinary.

I had stake conference this weekend and we had not one, but TWO general authorities visiting! One was Elder Patrick Kearon of the first quorum of the seventy. He's English and I loved his dynamic and humorous, yet spiritual, speaking style. And I loved the way he said extraordinary, which he probably said 22 times. And the other was the tall, I-pad-in-tow, wonderful Elder L. Tom Perry, one of the twelve apostles of the Lord. It was such a delight to see and hear from them both. It was said that the likelihood of having one of the twelve apostles come to a stake conference in this day and age is once in about 27 years. What a blessing for us!

Our stake presidency was reorganized, so general authority presence aside this was already a special stake conference.

Elders Kearnon and Perry said a couple very interesting things that make me proud to be LDS where I live:
1. They both touched on the fact that they have never known a stake to love their temple as much as ours does. And...
2. Elder Kearnon said he has never felt this close of a bond to a stake and its leaders than ours.

Now I'll give you a glimpse into some of the things they said during their talks:

Elder Kearnon:

• We only need to be indoctrinated as far as the primary songs are concerned--SIMPLICITY!

Elder Perry:

• Be steadfast. Be bold in the gospel of Jesus Christ.
• Be an example to the world on how they should live and you will be blessed in a way that you'll wonder how you're worthy to receive the blessing.
• Every main book of scripture (Old Testament, New Testament, Book of Mormon, Pearl of Great Price) start in a family setting.

Elders Kearnon and Perry

And you can't go without listening to Elder Kearnon's voice. Here's a talk he gave just two weeks ago in the Priesthood session of General Conference.

If You're Reading This Then God Must Have Spent a Little More Time On You

Remember 'NSYNC? How could you not?! I was their biggest fan. I know every 'NSYNC fan says that, but really, I was. Proof? My bedroom was wallpapered with their posters from those teen bopper magazines. I recorded every.single.television.performance they were ever on. I had every CD. I went to their concert in Las Vegas at the MGM. I adored them. And I was 13.

Remember the song from their first CD called God Must Have Spent a Little More Time On You? Presh lyrics. This girl, Cady Groves, does a nice cover.



P.S. I am 11/16 done with my internship! It's so exciting to be almost done.

Today's a Good Day for Some Random Thoughts

Random thoughts on a Thursday:

1. They really make it hard to take off Play-doh lids. My right index fingernail has sure gone through a beating the last couple of days.
2. There's a perfectly good reason why I've been opening Play-doh. Seriously.
3. I'm kinda getting tired of Facebook. I love it and all, but it's getting old. Do you think someone will think of something new? MySpace phased out and Facebook became the rage. Will the same thing happen to Facebook?
4. Speaking of Facebook, I really want to see the new movie, The Social Network.
5. I'm lovin' this warm fall weather. The high was 78 degrees. It's October 14.
6. I get to see Elder L. Tom Perry in the flesh this weekend!
7. I want a makeover next month. I plan on cutting my hair. And I kinda want to get my ears re-pierced. (I got them pierced when I was 9, but the holes eventually closed up and I haven't worn earrings for probably 15 years). I want new, hip clothing. I think I'm going through a quarter-life crisis!
8. My little sister has made it to the second round of high school tennis regionals. She plays tomorrow. Hope she advances!

The end.

This Is Not About My Internship!

Last night we got boo'd.

If you don't know what that is, allow me to explain:

Someone doorbell ditches a treat along with a piece of paper with a ghost printed on it. Alongside the ghost are instructions. The instructions say to make two copies of the same ghost sheet and then doorbell ditch treats and the ghost sheet to two more households. You also have to post the ghost you originally received on your front door so that if anyone tries to boo you, they know that they can't because you've already been boo'd.

So tonight, my mom, sister, and I went driving through the neighborhood to drop off two treats. Sounds easy, right? We thought so too until we drove up to houses that either already had a ghost on their door, dads working on their cars in the driveway, or homeowners standing right by their front door. But alas, we managed to finally find two homes to boo. And guess who had to do the doorbell ditching? Not my mom. Not my agile 14-year-old sister. But moi. The girl who hasn't worked out for like two weeks. Good thing the runs were short distances! But, really, I had a good time. It was nice to get out of the house even for just a little while. Yes, it's the little things that really get me at this time.

If you wanna get in on the ghoultastic fun, here's the website to print off the ghost sheets. Happy booing!

Scratch Pisces

Ya think I could use a new pair of Nikes? Like it matters. I haven't worked out in over a week because I'm up to my eyeballs in work and stress. And even though I know that exercise helps alleviate stress, I still don't do it because the thought of one more thing to do just makes my fried brain fry even more. I really hope that when I finally settle into a career of sorts that I choose something that doesn't stress me out and/or consume my life. Work's important, I understand. It engenders other redeeming qualities, but I'm a firm believer in balance.

I should have been a libra.

But if you wanna buy me a new pair of running shoes, I promise I'll use them soon. Size 9.5. Just do it. (Get it? It's Nike's slogan.) I crack myself up sometimes.

Boredom and Bed Bugs

HAPPY 10-10-10!

Remember a couple of posts back when I complained about the weekend coming up? Can I take that back? Even though I was indeed busy grading a billion papers, I did get the chance to relax and spend time with family. But now it's over. Lamesauce. But on the bright side, I only have three more weeks left of work before I get a month off! Holla!!

Here's a tip: I don't know if you've heard, but apparently there's a bed bug problem in our country. It's occurring because most of our clothing is made outside of the USofA, and gets contaminated with the little critters, and then is shipped here. So, throw your new clothes in the dryer for a number of minutes to kill the bugs and their eggs. Just a little caution I'd like to throw out there for my inquisitive blog readers. Because I care.

I really need to find something worth blogging about besides my boring internship and bed bugs.

{I would have included a bed bug picture up there at the top of the post, but when I googled it, I refrained. You can thank me later.}

SURPRISE!

I made it through another week of interning! Only six more to go! Unfortunately, I'm sacrificing some pretty important things to me in order to devote most hours of my waking days to student teaching: exercising, more family togetherness, more calling dedication, socializing, and just pure relaxation. But still, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel enlarging day by day. It's been quite a ride.

Sorry, kind of a boring post. Let me see if I can whip up a funny youtube video. Just a sec.

Ha, ha...I just found this:



Happy Friday!

Not Looking Forward to the Weekend

And I'm sure I'm the only one in the entire world.

I'll have five assignments to grade, and three lessons to prepare to get ready for next week. It's gonna be a doozy of a Friday-Sunday.

I feel like this job is making me work around the clock. It's ALWAYS on my dang mind. It really needs to stop soon. And it will. After tomorrow, I'll be 10 weeks down, six to go.

On to more juicy stuff:

Oh. That's right. Nothing juicy happens in my life. I'm planet Earth's most juiceless person. Someone, juice me!

I Hate to Disappoint...

...but I really don't have anything super awesome to share with you tonight. Oh, except this:

Two girls walked in from recess today. One white, one black. I only use their skin color to help differentiate for this story. Black girl was helping white girl walk. They were on their way to see the school nurse because white girl injured her ankle. Here's our dialogue:

Me: Uh-oh, what happened?
White girl: I fell off the swing.
Black girl: Yeah, another girl pushed her off the swing.
White girl: Yeah.
Black girl: Yeah, but she stuck the landing.
Me: {laughing on the inside}

Stuck the landing?! Yeah, don't think so. Sometimes my internship is okay.

Constipated Brain

I am getting dumber. I'm convinced. Case in point: I had to remind myself how to convert mixed numbers into improper fractions so that I could teach it to my fifth graders today. How pathetic is that? But just in case you too need a refresher course, this is how it's done:

Take 2 2/3 for example. Take your denominator of three and multiply it by the whole number of two. You get six. Add the numerator. That's eight. Eight is your new numerator. Place it over the denominator of three and your improper fraction is 8/3. Ta da!

Of course, the 10 year olds think that I'm an expert at this stuff, but seriously, I think they know more than I do.

I took the ACT like eight years ago. Did pretty well. Got a 25. Put that four-hour beast in front of me today? I'd score so low, guaranteed.

I have two explanations for all of this:
1) I don't have to regurgitate information like I used to when I was a good little school-girl.
2) My brain is so crammed right now with a bajillion little things I have to do for my internship, that there's no room for common sense/prior knowledge.

Remedy for my smarts reversal? A VACATION! And maybe a fifth grade curriculum study guide.

Growing Pains, etc.

I have nothing really important to share, but maybe I have some half-important items. I'll let you be the judge.

1. Wet stuff has come down from the clouds above the last couple of days and it's supposed to last throughout the week. Fun weather oddity for my neck of the woods.

2. It's my nephew's fourth birthday today. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, T! This boy is hilarious, too smart (he's learning Spanish in preschool! He knows that "yellow" is "amarillo." How many four-year-olds do you know that speak Spanish colors?), he's completely independent, and he loves Batman at the moment. I love this boy.

3. My thighs are experience a dull ache, like growing pains. What the heck? Doesn't that happen during adolescence?

4. The janitor where I work got hammered this weekend. He said it was a lot of fun, but that the hangovers are really bad. (No joke, Gustavo*!)

5. I woke up at 5:45 this morning. Make this internship stop, please.

6. Am I boring you yet?

7. No? Good. Yes? Too bad.

8. Elder L. Tom Perry's coming to my stake conference in two Sundays!

9. This is number nine.

10. These growing pains hurt.

11. I love you for reading this!


I loved this show. Especially when the handsome Leonardo DiCaprio was on it for a season or so.





*Gustavo is an alias.

You Probably Think This Post Is About General Conference

And you're probably right!

The last two days have been full of the Spirit as I have watched the 180th Semiannual General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. If you don't know what that is, it's when the world gets to hear counsel from the leaders of the Church, including our modern-day prophet. It happens twice a year, and it's a major blessing to be able to be inspired and edified and unified in this magnificent way. To learn more about the history and logistics or whatever of general conference, visit here.

My favorite talk was by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf in the Saturday morning session. It was all about simplicity. My new favorite quote from that talk is, "Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication." I liked this talk because my life is super hectic right now thanks to this internship of mine. And I can see how I may make my life unnecessarily busy even when I'm not interning. So, my plan is to simplify as much as I can. Because heck, I want to be sophisticated. Sounds so posh.

Did you have a favorite talk? Did you go to a live session? One day I'll make it to one!

October in Pictures (And Words)

October has some significance to me.

First of all, it's the birth month of some special people in my life.

Second, three years ago this month I got my second car. Still paying her off. Name suggestions?

Third, three years ago this month I came home from my three-month mission. That's a whole other story in and of itself.

And three years ago this month I got a new cell phone. That I still use. Religiously. Last summer it dropped 20 feet onto concrete, without a scratch. Now there's tape on the back holding the cover thing in place, because I dropped it like a month ago from where I was standing.  I think it loves me. Do they even make flip phones anymore?

October's kinda memorable.

Mart of the Wal

I went to Walmart this evening to pick up a couple of things. A lot of people hate the place. I don't, because...

...I get greeted by friendly, old people.
...I got photos printed in three minutes. THREE! Technology still amazes me.
...People-watching is at its finest. I think every third person I saw was tattooed and/or pierced all over their body.
...Self checkout is usually quick and fun (I get to play checker!).
...McDonalds, hair/nail solon, pharmacy, picture studio, fun area, eye center all inside the building.
...I was extended a cheerful goodbye by one of those old greeters.

I mean, what's not to love about Wally World?

Oh, because...

...There's nowhere to park.
...They don't stock their shelves.
...The checkout lines are a mile long.
...There's no one ever around to ask a question to.

It's love/hate I guess.